In one sense a marriage should have no fears, just comfort.Of course, being human, we too often fall into a rut and instead of the fearlessness of comfortable love with one another we fall into the selfishness of taking one another for granted. Fear in relationships is the measure of the lack of trust.(For that matter, if trust is broken, how do we rebuild it?) Marvin Mayers has a helpful illustration in his book, I quote Mayers paragraph accompanying the chart in his book: When trust develops apace, with each one passing through the various stages together, the couple is ideally fully ready for engagement and marriage.Finished love, love that has been built on a good foundation and carefully constructed, then fully completed, this is the love that casts out fear.
The author’s good friend and the father of the future bride gave permission to share these thoughts with his daughter as the dating relationship between the young people intensified but was not yet a matter of formal engagement.Often, the desired object (marriage) is so intense that one or the other in the relationship decides to overlook faults without learning to biblically resolve them.Overlooking faults leads to the proverb, “Love is blind.” A not so famous corollary is, “Love is also deaf, dumb and ignorant.” Christian maturity in love should be able to successfully resolve this kind of trial.As a romantic relationship develops, these fears should diminish, eventually leading into marriage where lover matures to something Ed Wheat calls the comfortable ‘old shoe’ or ‘favorite sweater’ love of lifelong companionship.
He calls it the love of the familiar and comfortable.A developing romantic relationship contains many fearful delights.